A Very Sweet Treat
“Waiter!” “Yes, sir.” “There’s a fly in my soup!” “That’s true, sir.” “Aren’t you gonna take it away and bring me another bowl?” The waiter chuckled. “Perhaps you think this is the kind of fly...
View ArticleThe Refund
After the séance ended and the others had departed, Ed asked Madame Glory for a refund. “I don’t give refunds,” she said. “If the spirits said something you didn’t like, that’s not my problem. I don’t...
View ArticleFrozen Treats
“Scary zombie costume!” Harry said to the trick-or-treater at his door. “It’s not a costume. I’m a real zombie.” The zombie jumped Harry and bit his skull. Inserting an ice cream scoop into the...
View ArticleSweet Revenge
Haitian zombies love chocolate chip cookies. When discovering Americans spent billions on Halloween treats, they assumed treats meant cookies. Consequently, 372,928 zombies hired Mexican coyotes to...
View ArticleA Can of Ginger Ale
While resting at the top of a mountain trail after an arduous climb, Bill heard a horrible scream coming from the bushes. “Who’s there?” he yelled. No answer. Bill drew a pistol from his backpack. “I...
View ArticlePrecious Cargo
I’m in Haitian territorial waters. Destination: Miami. A Haitian patrol boat is coming with sirens blaring. They fire a shot over my bow. I quickly stop the engines. Four sailors brandishing machine...
View ArticleNasty Chester
“How do you really feel about me, Chester?” Cindy Sue asked. Shy Chester wasn’t sure how to answer. But an inner voice told him what to say. “I think you’re the most fabulous woman on this campus....
View ArticleM
When Martian hordes invaded, we fled to the forest. “What will we do?” sobbed my wife, Lisa. “I don’t know. Did you grab any food before we left?” “Just this,” she said, extending three...
View ArticleLeave the Doors Open
I’m showering at the Bates Motel. Through the shower curtain, I can see a form moving toward me. “Who’s there?” I scream. “Mother Bates,” a cackling woman’s voice says. “Do you have a big nasty...
View ArticleThe Bonus
When the New York Transit cop moved to the next subway car, the skinhead with a swastika neck tattoo approached an old woman. She frowned and waved her hand as if shooing a horsefly. I moved toward...
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